This is just a short post describing something that happened to me recently and the impact our meaning-making minds can have on our perspective.
I have a set of beautiful crystal bowls that emit transcendent and universal vibrations when struck. I use these bowls to perform sound healing ceremonies and help people align the energy with their chakras. My crystal bowls are bespoke to me and resonate with the frequency of my own chakral energies. So I was devastated when I found a crack in the bottom of one of my bowls.
Crystal bowls are made from highly purified quartz powder (approx. 98.9% silicon quartz) which is fused together at a super high temperature. When played, these bowls emit a sound vibration which registers in the fluid of our physical as well as in our more subtle energy bodies. Our bones, blood, brain and DNA are crystalline in structure and our cells contain silica, which is the same formula as natural quartz crystal. So when the crystal bowls are played, the crystalline cells in our body begin to vibrate at the same frequency as the bowls. You do the maths...
Anyway, lifting the bowl out of its box, my sister noticed a tiny, little crack at the bottom of the 'E' bowl (Solar Plexus Chakra). She called me over and both of us were aghast. How could this happen? I felt a hotness in my stomach and was furious with myself for letting this happen. I've been a touring musician for a good portion of my adolescent life and have never broken an instrument. It must be someone else's fault! Surely!
I was due to perform at a festival at the time, and began looking around suspiciously for the culprit. Who had shattered my bowl? Who had put the cracks into my Solar Plexus? Who was to blame here?
In the days that proceeded the discovery of the injured bowl, the cracks grew slowly in the crystal. I also began to notice an unpleasant, creeping sensation in my belly, around my Solar Plexus, and began to significantly doubt myself, my life and my abilities. My self-esteem became inflamed and I was overtaken with a crisis of self, seeing this breakage as a symbol from the universe that my own self confidence had been shattered infinitely.
I saw it as it a sign, and so it became that in the physical realm. Seeing is believing in this world and I believed the universe was giving me an ominous symbol of the cracks that were forming deeply in my self esteem due to a few months of lockdown and the loss of my Yoga studio, my purpose. I had felt the cracks emerging for a while and here was a physical manifestation of my broken confidence right infront of my eyes. A few days later I found myself struggling with high levels depression and anxiety - and a seriously wounded sense of self. What now?
After a few days of self-soothing, deep meditation and some shuddering anxiety attacks, I decided to pinpoint this moment in time as a symbol of healing and growth. A wounded sense of self, that I had failed to see the cracks in for months, had finally revealed itself and forced me to pay attention to myself. My Solar Plexus needed better love, nourishment and attention. I wasn't taking proper care of myself and needed to focus my energies inwards on healing before I could exert anything of use to anybody else. So I retreated inwards to nurture the cracks in my Solar Plexus. Using this event as a marker to hold myself to a new standard of self-care and nourishment.
The cynic in me said "The bowl cracked in the car. Get a better case for the new one!"
The mystic in me said "The universe is shouting at you to heal your cracked self-esteem. Get on it girl!"
Both are valid and true in their own ways. Perspective is key.
I replaced the broken bowl and began to repair my trust in myself, and the universe. Feeling out the shape of a fresh and purposeful existence, complete with a fiery Solar Plexus.